There is opposition in all things. In order to know the highs, you have to recognize and embrace the lows. Once you release the lows, the wisdom you gain is beyond anything you can imagine. That’s what Rob Sirstins discovered. He is a life empowerment coach and author of the book “Ego of the Warrior.” Adam and Kate learn that Rob’s life experiences pushed him deep into despair to the point that he had decided to take his own life. Learn more about how he stepped away from that decision, and instead made the choice to heal and let go of the past.
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Most of us place incredibly high expectations on ourselves every. single. day. In this podcast excerpt, Rob Sirstins talks about how he overcame the expectation that happiness is a constant, and replaced it with a new outlook on human emotions.
RS: Even today I still have to check myself with the expectations I put on myself, on other people, on the world, how I want things to work out, you know? And that’s what messes so much with our happiness are these objectives and these expectations that we put on ourselves. If things don’t go our way, we get super disappointed. We get sad rather than trusting that something bigger and better is coming. And it may not always come. But we gotta get this place out of our ego, that everything has to go our way in order for us to be happy.
A good friend and mentor of mine told me we hear people all the time saying “I just want to be happy.” I’ve actually shifted that concept completely to the point where I’ve realized that I’m not here on this earth to be happy.
When it comes to the weather I want sunny days, partly cloudy, 75 degrees every single day. Right? I’m here to actually evolve and to heal. Happiness is like the weather, it comes and goes. Can I be content? Yeah, that’s beautiful. Can I accept where things are at? Yes. But I’m not driving to be happy every single day. Cuz if I’m not happy every day, what’s gonna come behind that is disappointment and a missed expectation.
AN: You know, Kate, you say this a lot where when you really value those good moments, those incredible moments, it’s because there’s been a darkness or there’s been a heaviness on the other side of it. So when you are in that happiness or that euphoric state comes, it means so much more because you understand the contrast as well.
KS: Yeah. It’s that pendulum. This is such a fascinating conversation. Some friends and I are reading a book called Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliott. It’s basically about finding pleasure in pain. The moments in life that cause us so much pain, what if you can alchemize that?
Instead of giving it a judgment and naming it, ask yourself “how does it feel?” Well it’s uncomfortable and my stomach is feeling nauseous and whatever it is, but just again, feeling both. I know that the sweetest moments of my life have come because of where I came from or what it took to get there. The contrast in that has allowed me to feel some of the most pleasurable moments ever and also some of the darkest, most painful moments as well.
RS: Yeah. There is an opposite in all things. So for you to really know the highs, you have to also know the lows. But with the lows, if you can sit back after the process has passed, there is so much wisdom in the trauma. It’s actually a gold mine and that’s why I feel it’s so important to have mentorship, to have coaches, to have therapists, just to have a sound beautiful integral tribe around you. That’s gonna help you see those places. Because ego does a great job of not always letting you see them.
To learn more, visit robsirstins.com.
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